3 Ways to Handle Disagreements and Conflicts with the Emerging Adult in Your Life

Conflicts and disagreements between parents and their emerging adult children are a natural part of growth and change. Emerging adulthood, typically from ages 18 to 25, is filled with transitions, experimentation, and developing independence. This often includes developing unique perspectives that might differ from yours, leading to occasional disagreements.

While conflicts can be uncomfortable, they don’t have to strain your relationship. In fact, learning to handle disagreements respectfully and constructively can strengthen your bond and encourage mutual respect. Here are three strategies for navigating disagreements with the emerging adult in your life.

1. Approach Conflicts with Active Listening

Active listening is one of the most effective tools in resolving conflicts. Often, disagreements escalate when one or both parties feel unheard or misunderstood. By focusing on truly listening to your emerging adult, you can understand their perspective better and defuse tension.

How to Practice Active Listening:

• Listen without Interrupting: Let them express their thoughts fully before responding. Resist the urge to jump in with counter arguments, as this can make them feel dismissed.
• Reflect Back What You Hear: Summarize their points to show you understand, even if you don’t agree. For example, you could say, “So, you’re feeling frustrated because you think I don’t trust your decisions.” This approach reassures them you are listening and genuinely care about their viewpoint.
• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage them to explain their position in more depth. Try questions like, “What led you to feel this way?” or “How do you think we could find a middle ground?” This fosters a collaborative environment and helps you better understand their motivations.

Practicing active listening doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say. Instead, it’s about building trust by demonstrating that their voice matters. Often, being heard is enough to ease defensiveness and create space for constructive discussion.

2. Choose the Right Time and Place

Timing and setting can significantly influence how a conversation unfolds. Engaging in difficult discussions when emotions are running high, or in settings that feel stressful, can intensify conflict rather than resolve it. Choosing the right time and place to address disagreements can make conversations more productive and respectful.

Tips for Setting Up the Right Conversation Environment:

• Wait for a Calm Moment: If the disagreement happened in the heat of the moment, give both yourself and your emerging adult time to cool off. Revisit the topic later when emotions have settled, allowing for a more rational discussion.
• Avoid Public Spaces for Sensitive Topics: Certain discussions require privacy. Talking in a quiet, comfortable setting—like your living room or on a walk together—can create a sense of safety. This environment encourages openness and reduces the likelihood of either party feeling embarrassed or defensive.
• Be Mindful of Stressful Times: Avoid initiating challenging discussions during periods of high stress, such as during exams, job searches, or after a long day. If you know they’re dealing with a lot, give them some breathing room. Waiting for a better moment shows respect for their well-being and can improve their willingness to engage thoughtfully.

When you approach a conversation thoughtfully, with both timing and setting in mind, you set the stage for open, respectful dialogue. This intentional approach demonstrates that you value the relationship enough to give it the best chance for understanding.

3. Focus on Finding Common Ground, Not "Winning"

When it comes to family disagreements, particularly with emerging adults, the goal should be to find a mutually beneficial outcome rather than “winning” the argument. Trying to convince them to adopt your perspective often leads to resistance, which can strain the relationship. Instead, aim to find common ground and seek compromise when possible.

How to Find Common Ground:

• Identify Shared Values and Goals: Start by identifying points of agreement or values you both care about. For instance, if the disagreement is about career choices, you might both value independence and stability, even if you differ on how to achieve them. Acknowledging shared values can serve as a foundation for compromise and respect.
• Focus on Problem-Solving Together: Frame the discussion as a collaborative effort to solve a shared problem, rather than a debate to be won. Ask questions like, “How can we approach this so we both feel comfortable?” or “Is there a way for us to meet in the middle?” This approach fosters a spirit of cooperation.
• Be Willing to Bend When Possible: Compromise is a crucial component of healthy conflict resolution. Consider if there are areas where you can yield, especially if it empowers them to take responsibility. For example, you might say, “I may not agree with this completely, but I trust you to make this choice. Let’s talk about how you’ll handle any challenges that arise.”

Focusing on collaboration over contention is empowering for both you and your emerging adult. They’ll feel respected and trusted, which strengthens their sense of independence and maturity. Additionally, by seeking common ground, you create an environment where future disagreements can also be handled constructively.

Disagreements with your emerging adult don’t have to damage your relationship; in fact, they can be opportunities for growth. By practicing active listening, choosing the right time and place for discussions, and focusing on finding common ground, you can navigate conflicts in a way that fosters mutual respect and trust.

Remember these strategies aren’t just about “winning” an argument or maintaining control. They’re about building a foundation of communication that strengthens your bond with your emerging adult. It’s natural to feel challenged as you adapt to a new dynamic in your relationship, but by treating disagreements as an opportunity to grow together, you’re fostering a relationship that will continue to thrive as they step into adulthood.

With patience, empathy, and openness, you can help them feel understood and respected, empowering them to face future conflicts with a strong sense of self and a respect for others’ perspectives. These tools will serve both of you well—not only during this transitional phase but in the years to come.