Five Mistakes to Avoid When Parenting an Emerging Adult

When it comes to parenting post-high-schoolers, it’s a balancing act that requires parents to navigate the transition from authority figure to guide or even mentor. It’s natural to want to support and protect our children, yet there are certain pitfalls parents can avoid to foster healthy development and independence. Let’s explore common mistakes to steer clear of when parenting an emerging adult (18-29). 

Telling Them You Understand the World They are Living In: One of the most common mistakes parents make when talking with an emerging adult is assuming they understand the challenges and complexities of the modern world. While it is true parents have a wealth of life experience, we need to recognize each generation faces unique circumstances and differences. Instead of assuming you understand your emerging adult’s world, take the time to listen and learn from their perspective. Ask open-ended questions, express genuine curiosity, and validate their experiences and emotions. By acknowledging their unique perspective, you foster trust and strengthen your relationship, creating an opportunity for meaningful communication and understanding.

Not Listening to Their Perspective: Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, particularly during the transition to emerging adulthood. However, one of the most significant mistakes parents can make is failing to listen actively to their emerging adult’s perspective. Avoid the temptation to dismiss or invalidate their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Instead, practice active listening by giving your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and refraining from interrupting or judging. Validate their emotions and concerns, even if you don’t agree with them, and encourage open dialogue and mutual respect.

Continuing to Enable Unhealthy Behavior: As parents, it’s natural to want to protect and support our children, but enabling unhealthy behaviors can hinder their growth and independence. Whether it’s avoiding responsibility, engaging in risky behaviors, or neglecting self-care, enabling can create a cycle of dependence and prevent your emerging adult from developing essential life skills. Our job, especially in this stage of our parenting is to encourage accountability. Set clear expectations and consequences for actions, and provide support and guidance as needed. Empower your emerging adult to take ownership of their choices and learn from their mistakes, creating personal growth.

Avoiding a Transactional Relationship: One mistake parents often make when is falling into a transactional relationship, where interactions revolve around exchanges of material or financial support. While it is essential to provide for their needs, focusing solely on transactions can strain the parent-child relationship. It results in performance-based love. Instead of approaching your relationship with your emerging adult as transactional, strive to invest in meaningful connections and experiences. Spend quality time together, meeting them where they’re at and engage in open and honest conversations. Express love and appreciation regularly. By prioritizing emotional connection over material exchanges, you build a deeper bond built on trust, understanding, and mutual respect.

Trying to Set Boundaries Around Their Behavior: Setting boundaries for promoting healthy relationships and personal growth is important, imposing rigid rules and restrictions can backfire when parenting an emerging adult. As young adults assert their independence and explore their identities, they may resist or rebel against overly strict boundaries, leading to conflict and resentment. Instead of trying to set boundaries around your emerging adult’s behavior, engage in collaborative discussions. Establish mutual expectations and guidelines together, taking into account their needs, preferences, and values.

By involving your emerging adult in the boundary- setting process, you promote accountability while creating a sense of ownership and self-advocacy. Parenting an emerging adult is a journey filled with challenges, growth, and opportunities. Through empathy, communication, and collaboration, parents and emerging adults can navigate this transitional phase together, building a foundation for a healthy and fulfilling adult relationship.