How to Talk About Adult Relationships and Marriage with Your Emerging Adult

As your kids move into adulthood, their perspectives on relationships and marriage evolve. This stage of life is full of self-discovery, and your emerging adult may explore serious relationships, think about long-term commitments, or question societal norms around marriage. Learning how to have these conversations as a parent can be challenging, yet it’s an essential opportunity to strengthen your bond and provide meaningful guidance.

The Importance of Open Communication

When talking about romantic relationships and marriage, fostering an environment of trust and respect is critical. Emerging adults value their autonomy and individuality, so how you approach these conversations can make a difference on whether or not they are receptive.

Here are some strategies to ensure these discussions are productive and supportive:

1. Start by Listening

Before offering advice or sharing your opinions, ask open-ended questions to understand their perspective. This helps you get insight into their values and experiences while showing that you respect their thoughts.

For example, you might say, “What do you think a healthy relationship looks like?” or “How do you feel about marriage as part of your future?”

Listening attentively without judgment creates a safe space for them to share openly.

2. Share Your Values Thoughtfully

It’s natural to want to impart your own values and beliefs about relationships and marriage, though it’s important to avoid sounding prescriptive. Share your experiences and insights as stories rather than directives.

For example, you could say, “When I was your age, I learned a lot about compromise in relationships, and it’s still something I value,” instead of, “You need to make sure you always compromise.”

This approach invites conversation and reflection without imposing your viewpoint.

3. Acknowledge Changing Norms

Recognize societal attitudes about relationships and marriage may differ significantly from when you were their age. Your son or daughter may prioritize cohabitation, focus on career goals before committing to a partner, or even question the institution of marriage altogether.

By acknowledging these shifts, you demonstrate an understanding of their world, which can make them more comfortable discussing their ideas with you.

4. Address Common Challenges with Empathy

Emerging adults often face challenges in their relationships, such as navigating communication, resolving conflicts, or balancing independence with partnership. Discuss these topics with empathy and a problem-solving mindset.

For example, instead of saying, “You need to be better at choosing who you date,” try, “Relationships can be tough—what have you found most challenging so far?”

This framing shows support and offers guidance without criticizing their choices.

5. Discuss Marriage Without Pressure

For many parents, marriage is a significant milestone, and it can be tempting to express excitement about their “settling down.” However, putting pressure on them to marry can lead to resistance or anxiety.

Instead, emphasize the importance of building healthy, meaningful relationships, whether or not they lead to marriage. Encourage them to focus on emotional compatibility, mutual respect, and shared values, which are critical for long-term happiness.

6. Talk About Financial and Legal Implications

Marriage is not only an emotional commitment but also a legal and financial partnership. Help your emerging adult understand the practical aspects, such as joint finances, property ownership, and prenuptial agreements.

Frame this information as empowering rather than intimidating. For example, you might say, “When two people combine their lives, it’s helpful to understand how to manage finances together. Have you thought about what that might look like?”

7. Normalize Ambivalence

It’s not uncommon for emerging adults to feel uncertain or conflicted about relationships and marriage. Let them know it’s okay to take time to figure things out and that there’s no single “right” path.

Reassure them that relationships evolve, and it’s normal for priorities and goals to shift over time.

8. Encourage Personal Growth

Healthy relationships often stem from self-awareness and emotional maturity. Encourage son or daughter to invest in their personal development, whether through therapy, self-help books, or introspective activities like journaling.

You might say, “The more you understand yourself, the more likely you’ll be to build a strong, fulfilling relationship with someone else.”

9. Respect Their Choices

Ultimately, their decisions about relationships and marriage are theirs to make. Even if you disagree with their choices, offering unconditional support and love will strengthen your connection.

If they make mistakes or experience heartbreak, never say, “I told you so.” Instead, offer empathy and remind them of their resilience.

Navigating conversations about adult relationships and marriage with your emerging adult is an opportunity to deepen your relationship and provide valuable guidance during a pivotal time in their lives.

By listening without judgment, sharing your values thoughtfully, and respecting their autonomy, you can foster open communication that helps them navigate the complexities of modern relationships.

These discussions aren’t just about offering advice—they’re about building a partnership rooted in trust, respect, and mutual understanding.