Six Steps for Setting Personal Boundaries with Emerging Adults

This is the stage at which the parent/child relationship gets redefined and what we once used to set boundaries (our child’s behavior) now shifts into setting personal boundaries for ourselves. Clear and respectful boundaries can help balance the emerging adult's need for independence with the parent's need for respect and mutual understanding.

Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships. They define the limits of acceptable behavior and ensure that both parties feel respected and valued. For parents of emerging adults, boundaries help with allowing your emerging adult to make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes is a vital part of their development.

Boundaries ensure that both parents and emerging adults respect each other’s space, time, and can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflicts by setting clear expectations. Boundaries also help protect your emotional health by preventing feelings of resentment or being overwhelmed.

Key Areas for Setting Boundaries

1. Living Arrangements: If your emerging adult is living at home, it’s essential to establish rules about household responsibilities, privacy, and communal living. Discuss expectations around chores, use of shared spaces, and noise levels to ensure everyone’s comfort and harmony.
2. Financial Independence: Money can be a significant source of tension. Set clear expectations about financial responsibilities, such as contributions to household expenses, cell phone bills, or car payments. Encourage your emerging adult to budget and manage their finances responsibly.
3. Time Management: Respect each other’s time by discussing expectations around curfews, family meals, and time spent together. While it’s important to spend quality time as a family, emerging adults also need time to themselves and with their peers. Being more invested in their peer relationships than with their parents at this time is normal.
4. Personal Space and Privacy: Privacy is crucial for both parties. Establish boundaries around personal spaces, such as bedrooms, and discuss the importance of knocking before entering.
5. Communication: Open and honest communication is the foundation of healthy boundaries. Set expectations for how and when you communicate. For instance, agree on how often you will check in with each other and the best times to discuss important matters.

Setting Effective Boundaries

1. Begin by discussing the importance of boundaries with your emerging adult. Explain boundaries are not about control, they’re about mutual respect and ensuring a healthy relationship.
2. When setting boundaries, be as clear and specific as possible. Vague boundaries can lead to misunderstandings. For example, instead of saying, “Help around the house,” specify which chores need to be done and when.
3. Boundaries should be mutually agreed upon. Be open to your emerging adult’s input and be willing to negotiate. Finding a middle ground can help ensure that both parties feel heard and respected.
4. If there are going to be consequences, clearly outline them upfront. Consistency is key; make sure to follow through on these consequences to reinforce the importance of respecting boundaries.
5. Demonstrate the behavior you expect from your emerging adult. Show respect for their boundaries and personal space, and they are more likely to reciprocate.
6. Boundaries may need to be adjusted as circumstances change. Regularly check in with each other to discuss how the boundaries are working and make any necessary adjustments.

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can have a profound impact on your relationship with your emerging adult. Clear boundaries foster mutual respect and understanding, strengthening the parent-child bond. Boundaries encourage open and honest communication, reducing misunderstandings and conflicts and they are supporting your emerging adult’s journey toward independence by providing a framework for self-responsibility.

Take the next step and download Kim's free guide on Setting Boundaries that Stick.