Why Parenting an Emerging Adult Can Be Difficult: The Challenge of Transitioning from High School to Full Independence

This stage of parenting presents unique challenges. Some our parents and their parents before them did not encounter. This developmental stage is characterized by significant transitions, including the move from high school to higher education or the workforce, as well as the quest for full independence. Navigating this period can be difficult for both parents and emerging adults. Let’s dive further into what’s going on for both parties.

The Nature of Emerging Adulthood

Emerging adulthood is a distinct life stage marked by exploration, change, and uncertainty. Understanding its characteristics can help parents better support their children.

Identity Exploration:

Emerging adults are in the process of exploring their identities, trying to understand who they are and what they want out of life. This period is crucial for developing a sense of self.

• Career Paths: They may explore different career paths, trying out various jobs and internships to find a suitable fit.
• Personal Beliefs: This is a time for questioning and solidifying personal beliefs, values, and worldviews.

Instability and Change:

Emerging adulthood can come with frequent changes in living situations, jobs, and relationships, which can create a sense of instability.

• Frequent Moves: Emerging adults may move frequently, transitioning from dorms to apartments or back home, depending on their circumstances.
• Relationship Shifts: Friendships and romantic relationships may change as they explore different social circles and life experiences.

Self-Focus and Independence:

Emerging adults focus on becoming self-sufficient, making decisions about their lives without parental guidance.Yet they are also known to need guidance and financial assistance at times in the process.

• Autonomy: They strive for independence in decision-making, finances, and living arrangements.
• Personal Responsibility: They learn to take responsibility for their actions and manage their own lives.

Challenges for Parents

Changing Roles:

Parents must progressively shift from a directive role during their child's adolescence to a more supportive role in emerging adulthood.

• Letting Go: Allowing emerging adults to make their own decisions and mistakes can be difficult, especially when parents want to protect them from harm.
• Adapting Communication: Parents need to adjust their communication style, offering advice when asked but refraining from unsolicited guidance.

Balancing Support and Independence:

Finding the right balance between providing support and encouraging independence is one of the biggest challenges for parents.

• Financial Support: Parents may struggle with deciding how much financial support to provide, aiming to help without enabling dependency.
• Emotional Support: Offering emotional support while allowing emerging adults to face and overcome challenges on their own can be tricky.

Managing Expectations:

Parents often have expectations for their emerging adult's future, which may not align with their child's goals and aspirations.

• Career Expectations: Parents may expect their children to pursue certain careers or achieve specific milestones, such as graduating college or securing a high-paying job.
• Lifestyle Choices: Differences in values and lifestyle choices can lead to tension and misunderstandings.

Developing Life Skills:

Emerging adults need to develop essential life skills to achieve full independence, which may require parental guidance and support.

• Financial Management: Learning to budget, save, and manage expenses is crucial for financial independence.
• Household Management: Skills like cooking, cleaning, and maintaining a home are important for living independently.

Strategies for Parents

Encourage Open Communication:

Maintain open lines of communication with your emerging adult, offering a safe space for them to share their thoughts and concerns.

• Active Listening: Listen without judgment, and validate their feelings and experiences.
• Offer Support: Let them know you are there to support them, but respect their autonomy and decision-making. Always ask before offering advice by saying, “Would you be willing to listen to my perspective?”

Foster Independence:

Encourage your emerging adult to take on responsibilities and make decisions, even if it means allowing them to make mistakes.

• Guide, Don’t Control: As mentioned above, provide guidance and advice when asked, but refrain from controlling their choices.
• Celebrate Independence: Acknowledge and celebrate their achievements as they gain independence. Don’t be shy about pointing out where they are doing well and what you see they’ve accomplished. Now more than ever, they need a cheerleader.

Provide Resources and Support:

Offer resources and support to help them navigate the transition to adulthood.

• Financial Literacy: Teach them about budgeting, saving, and managing finances by taking them to the bank to ask questions, providing an age-appropriate book or website as resources.
• Career Guidance: Help them explore career options and provide resources for job searching and networking. Explain the value in networking and, if you know someone in the field they are interested in, introduce them.

Be Patient and Understanding:

Understanding the transition to adulthood is a process that takes time and patience.

• Adjust Expectations: Be flexible and adjust your expectations as your emerging adult finds their path.
• Offer Reassurance: Reassure them that it’s okay to take time to figure things out and that you support their journey.

Parenting an emerging adult is challenging because of the complexities of identity exploration, independence, and societal expectations. The transition from high school to full independence requires patience, understanding, and a delicate balance between support and autonomy. By maintaining open communication, fostering independence, and providing resources and guidance, parents can help their emerging adults navigate this critical period and achieve successful independence.