Are You Truly Listening to Your Emerging Adult or Just Hearing Them?
Jan 06, 2025
As parents of emerging adults, we often think we're listening, but are we really? There's a huge difference between hearing the words they’re saying and actually listening to what they mean. Listening builds trust, fosters deeper relationships, and helps our kids feel understood, especially during these formative years when they crave connection the most.
Here’s how to tell if you're truly listening to your emerging adult—or if you're just hearing them:
1. Active Listening vs. Passive Hearing
When you’re hearing, you might catch the words, but when you’re listening, you’re tuned in to their emotions and the underlying message. Active listening means engaging fully—putting down your phone, making eye contact, and really focusing on what they’re expressing.
2. Empathy Over Solutions
Sometimes, as parents, we jump right into problem-solving mode. But what your emerging adult really needs is empathy. Instead of offering quick fixes, try saying, “That sounds tough. How are you feeling about it?” Listening to their emotions helps them feel validated.
3. Reflect Back What You Hear
A key part of active listening is reflecting back what your emerging adult says. You might say, “It sounds like you're frustrated with your workload at school,” or “You seem upset about your friendship issues.” This shows them you're not only hearing the words but also understanding their experience.
4. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Instead, ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about that?” or “How did that make you feel?” This invites them to share more and shows that you’re invested in hearing their full story.
5. Be Patient with Silence
Emerging adults often need time to open up. Resist the urge to fill awkward silences. Letting them process their thoughts and feelings before responding can lead to deeper, more meaningful conversations.
By truly listening—beyond just hearing—we can create a safe space for our emerging adults to express themselves, leading to stronger connections and a more open relationship. So next time your emerging adult starts talking, ask yourself: Am I really listening?
