Parenting Adult Children: The Hardest and Most Transformative Stage

Someone needs to hear this right now, so I am just going to say it: Parenting adult children is one of the most growing experiences you will ever have.

When they were little, it was easier to protect them.

• If they fell off their bike, we could buy them an extra set of elbow pads.
• If they struggled with school, we could hire a tutor.
• If we worried about their safety, we could set curfews and enforce house rules.

There was always something we could do—some way to shield them, fix things, or create structure that guided them toward making the right choices.

But when they become adults, everything changes.

Letting Go of Control and Leaning Into Support

Now, instead of scraped knees and algebra tests, they face much bigger challenges—ones that we cannot fix for them.

• Losing a job
• Struggling in a relationship or going through a breakup
• Becoming parents themselves and navigating all the uncertainty that comes with it

As parents, our role shifts. Instead of stepping in to solve, we must step back and support.

The most powerful things we can do for them now are:

✔️ Listen to understand. Instead of offering quick fixes or solutions, listen to what they are really saying. Sometimes, they do not need advice—they just need to be heard.

✔️ Meet them where they are. They may not be where we expected or hoped they would be at this stage in their life. That is okay. Accepting them where they are today makes it easier for them to move forward.

✔️ Let them know they are loved, supported, and believed in. Our confidence in them—especially in their ability to work through challenges—can be a stronger motivator than any advice we could offer.

What If They Are Not Making the Choices You Hoped For?

One of the hardest parts of this stage of parenting is watching an adult child struggle or make decisions that we don’t agree with. Maybe they are not handling money well, refusing to seek help for their mental health, or staying in an unhealthy relationship.

It is easy to slip into frustration or fear, but controlling them won’t work. Instead, focus on:

• Setting clear boundaries. If their choices impact you financially or emotionally, it is okay to say no. You can love them without supporting behavior that goes against your values.
• Keeping communication open. Instead of pushing advice, ask questions like, “What do you think your next step is?” or “How can I support you without overstepping?”
• Trusting the long game. Growth is not linear. Some lessons take longer to sink in. But your child’s story is still unfolding, and they will learn from their experiences—even if it is not on your timeline.

Trust the Foundation You Gave Them

It is natural to worry. To wonder if they are making the right choices. To fear that if we do not intervene, they will fail.

But here is the truth: We have already laid the foundation.

Everything we taught them—the values, the problem-solving skills, the resilience—is already within them. It is not our job to go back and change the past or redo what has already been done.

What we can do is trust that foundation.

Parenting adult children is not about fixing, rescuing, or controlling. It is about walking alongside them as they navigate their own path.

This stage of parenting is challenging, but you are not alone in it. If you are struggling with when to step in and when to step back, I can help.

I offer private coaching, support group calls, and a monthly class designed to help parents navigate this complex and emotional stage.

Register for Weekly Parent Support Calls.

Parenting may change as our children grow, but one thing remains the same: Our love and belief in them will always be the most powerful thing we can give.