Ways to Stop Enabling Your Emerging Adult

Parents want to support their emerging adult as they transition into independence. On the other hand, they must avoid enabling behaviors that can hinder their growth and development. Today I’ll share a few effective strategies to stop enabling your emerging adult.

Establish Clear Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is crucial in helping your emerging adult understand the limits of your support. This involves defining what you will and will not do for them.

• Financial Boundaries: Decide on what financial support, if any, you will provide. For example, you might agree to pay for tuition but expect them to cover their living expenses.
• Household Rules: If they live at home, set clear expectations for their contributions to household chores and expenses.

Communicate Clearly

Discuss these boundaries openly with your emerging adult. Clear communication ensures that they understand your expectations and the reasons behind them.

• Consistent Messaging: Regularly reinforce these boundaries and be consistent in enforcing them. Mixed messages can create confusion and undermine your efforts.

Encourage Financial Independence

Encourage your emerging adult to develop financial literacy skills, such as budgeting and saving. This can help them manage their money effectively and reduce their reliance on you.

• Financial Education: Provide resources or suggest courses that teach financial management skills, often options can be found in the high school curriculum. 
• Practice with Responsibility: Allow them to manage their finances by adding responsibility incrementally including paying for their phone bill, car insurance, or groceries.

Limit Financial Bailouts

Resist the urge to bail them out of financial difficulties. This teaches them to navigate financial challenges independently.

• Natural Consequences: Allow them to experience the natural consequences of overspending or poor financial decisions. This can be a powerful learning experience.

Foster Problem-Solving Skills

When your emerging adult faces challenges, guide them in finding solutions rather than solving the problems for them.

• Ask Questions: Encourage them to think critically by asking guiding questions, such as, "What are your options?" or "How do you plan to handle this?"
• Provide Resources: Offer resources or suggest where they can find help, but let them take the initiative to solve their problems.

Encourage Responsibility

Hold your emerging adult accountable for their actions. This helps them understand the importance of responsibility and the impact of their decisions.

• Follow Through: If they agree to a commitment, such as a job or a volunteer position, ensure they follow through with it by avoiding stepping in to fix things if they falter.

Support Emotional Independence

Encourage your emerging adult to handle their emotional and social issues independently. This builds resilience and emotional maturity.

• Active Listening: Be a supportive listener, but avoid giving direct solutions to every problem they present.
• Encourage Professional Help: If they struggle with significant issues, encourage them to seek help from a counselor or therapist rather than relying solely on you.

Avoid Over-Involvement

Resist the urge to be overly involved in every aspect of their life. Allowing them space to make decisions fosters independence.

• Step Back: Give them the freedom to make their own choices, even if it means they might make mistakes. Learning from these experiences is a crucial part of their growth.

Promote Career Development

Support your emerging adult in finding employment, whether part-time during school or full-time after graduation.

• Job Resources: Point them towards job search resources, such as online job boards, career fairs, and networking events.
• Resume Building: Help them build a resume and practice interview skills, but let them take the lead in applying and attending interviews.

Support Career Exploration

Encourage them to explore different career paths and gain work experience. This can help them discover their interests and build a professional network.

• Internships and Volunteering: Suggest internships, part-time jobs, or volunteer opportunities that align with their interests and career goals. If you know someone in a field they are interested in, ask them if they’d be willing to have coffee with your son or daughter so they can ask about that career.

Model Independence

Demonstrate independent and responsible behavior in your own life. Your emerging adult is likely to emulate your actions.

• Healthy Habits: Show them the importance of managing finances, maintaining a work-life balance, and pursuing personal growth.
• Problem-Solving: Model effective problem-solving skills and resilience in the face of challenges.

Stopping enabling behaviors and fostering independence in your emerging adult is a challenging but essential part of parenting. By establishing clear boundaries, encouraging financial and emotional independence, promoting problem-solving skills, supporting career development, and modeling independent behavior, you can help them develop the skills they need to thrive. This approach not only supports their journey to self-sufficiency but also strengthens your relationship, as they learn to respect and appreciate the guidance you provide.

Take the next step and download Kim's free guide on Setting Boundaries that Stick.